The importance of stamina

Kids can last a long time. Sometimes, a really long time. They hold out in hopes that the adult in charge will give up or forget about a consequence, and then the kid can go about his/her business doing whatever they want. They're really smart like that!

My son is no exception, so for the last two weeks, I gritted my teeth and vowed that he would have time alone in his room before and after supper with little to do (while his sisters get TV time) until he stopped being sent out of his classroom. After 10 days I began to doubt myself: Was I being too hard on the little guy? Was I expecting too much? Was he not neurologically able to make good choices and stay in his classroom? Doubting Mommy had shown up. You know, that little goody-goody that believe children don't really misbehave, parents just screw up. Well, I told her to go away (after a great discussion with a learning specialist who works with me and asked, "When do you want him to behave? Is it just when the weather is good? Just when life is going smoothly? Or, do you actually want him to behave everyday?" She's awesome by the way!). So, I persevered. And guess what? On Day #14, he came home with a huge grin on his face and announced that he did it! He had stayed in his room for the whole day without being sent out once. WOO HOO! I'm not delusional enough to think it's forever, but I'm prepared to hold out again; the results were worth it!

Slowing down

We're on the upswing over here. After ONE ROUGH WEEK (or more rough than usual), darling son is back to his sweet self. Since Wednesday, we've had a daily chart to record the events of the day, the good thing that would happen if it went well (and what well meant) and the bad thing that would happen if it went badly (and what badly meant). It's going well, not perfectly, but well. He's making good choices, which I am pointing out, and that means he's earning more good things.

I think the positive rewards (verbal praise, a book to read...small things) work well. It makes him feel good for doing the right thing. BUT...I think he had to get over the angry-Tasmanian Devil phase first. He got that out in a major tantrum Tuesday evening. I gave it no attention. Then (the next day in this case), after he had demonstrated that he was ready to make good choices, he was ready for positives. I think if I would have tried positive rewards when he wasn't ready, it would not have worked.

However, this time in "nice mode", I am going to work harder noticing the positives while things are going well. We're also going to slow down, focus more on family time rather than our usual hectic pace of life. Simplify, simplify, simplify.

Cardio Kick Boxing

So, dear darling son is really struggling at school. He keeps being disrespectful to the point he has to be removed from his kindergarten classroom. Three times today. Ugh. At home, I've followed up with time out until the behavior improves. Dr. Phil keeps popping in my head. He once (or maybe often) said that we only do what works. Well, I decided today when the behavior went from one behavior flag yesterday to three today, life must be working fine for my son because he is not motivated to change. So, I applied the John Rosemund technique of kicking my boy out of the Garden of Eden. I went into his room and took out all his toys. I left some books. When he came home and saw his room he flew into a rage and started beating the door with, of all things, a book! So I cleared those out too, along with everything else that seemed destructible. I wasn't successful. He destroyed his bedside table and ripped up photos from his bulletin board (these have now been removed). This was not the worst temper tantrum ever. He's done this before. What was different this time, however, was me. I was super calm. I attribute that to the fact that I did my Turbo Jam cardio kickboxing routine before picking up the kids. As I kicked and punched, I felt powerful (the girls called me the Momanator at supper - I like it). I decided that we are not going to be held hostage my son's behavior. I will do everything in my power to make sure it's not manipulative, bratty, obnoxious behavior. And at the same time, we'll work with our behavior specialist and hopefully soon a therapist. We do have choices and he WILL IMPROVE. Or, he may be grounded in his increasingly empty bedroom for a long time. As for me, I'm going to keep doing my kickboxing. I'm going to stay super calm. Momanator to the rescue!

Surviving Holidays

Kids. Halloween. Excitement. Candy. Yep, and over stimulation, overtired, way off schedule. At my house, this is a recipe for disaster. We do really well during the exciting event; then we crash. Anger spews forth; chaos takes over. But...not so this time.
Today was the Monday back to school after Halloween weekend. Not only was it Halloween, but Grandma was in town so there were lots of family dinners, playing with relatives, and a big Sunday afternoon football game. I tempered it all with "rest time" each day - everyone was in his/her respective room napping/resting for an hour each day. Incentives were also planned carefully. My son had already lost his school Halloween party for his poor choices on Thursday afternoon, so I guess he decided I really was serious that he would not go trick-or treating if Saturday wasn't smooth. (I really would have taken it away.)
Today I got an email from my son's teacher...he had a GREAT day. Wow! This was a surprise. Was it the incentive of trick-or-treating? watching a football game with family? the loss of other things last week? Monitoring the candy intake? This is the time when I want my son to have a flip-top head so I can open it up and look inside to see what went right.
What's the plan for the next holiday? Slipping in bits of calm everywhere I can. That and short -term incentives to earn (not more than 1/2 a day away, I've learned). We'll also continue working on building up the skill of choosing to go calm down instead of exploding and having to be removed from a situation. Thanksgiving has less candy - that's gotta help!!

Celebrating the GOOD!

So, this whole week has been pretty rough for my son - choices at home and school have culminated in the loss of a Halloween party at school and another at daycare. Trick-or-treating is now looking a little iffy. Poor kid has to be feeling pretty down about all this, so his mom will list all the great things about him. Messages to the Universe this morning: lift him out of his funk and help him have a great day!

1. His smile - when he's happy and laughing, he has a great, toothless grin.
2. He deeply cares about others - he looks out for his sisters; he worries over caterpillars out in the cold; he helps our old cat on to the counter to get to her food.
3. He is very smart and thinks about things a lot. He mulls things over and I think what happens deeply affects him.
4. He's very athletic - definitely has a future in football.
5. He's a charismatic leader - the kids like him and want to be his friend.

OK! He has tons of strengths. Let them shine through today!

Deep breathing....no sweat

OK, did I just post that we had a great day yesterday? Well, today was back to normal again...defiance, clawing, growling...you know how that goes. But let me tell you...Zen Mommy was alive and well today! My son did not do well with his homework (do kindergartners NEED homework??), so I had him do some extra practice with the word "and" (which he read as "at", "with" and various other words I've blocked from memory). He was not happy. I stayed calm. I got out my own papers to grade, made myself a dish of ice cream and ignored him. Finally, when I guess he imagined that he might be sitting there all night long for real (10 minutes had elapsed!), he did it. What a heavenly moment! I was all cool and serene and not caring on the outside (and kind of on the inside too), and eventually he did it.

Of course, just before bed he informed me that if he ever had to bring that homework folder home again, he was throwing it in the trash. Nice try, buddy!

A great day!

Thank you,powers of the Universe, that every once in a while an awesome day happens. Of course, it is on ly 5:12, but still. We did homework with no battles, crying or frustration! Feels like a little miracle over here!